Turma de 3

Azi am auzit chemarea mallului, ma striga de la n² kilometrii distanta, cu o disperare fantasmagorica : « Vino repede ca avem mari reduceri ! Vino, vino, vino !» iar ecoul mai lenes de felul sau, apasa insistent aerul cu pluralul unui substantiv magic si deschizator de portofele : reduceri. Nici eu nu am putut rezista chemarii aproape strabune (probabil cand erau talciocuri se mai faceau strigari primitive, sa vina omul la shopping), si ca un ipocrit ce sunt, m-am gandit ca poate imi trebuie o geanta extra large pentru un caiet si doua pixuri ; insa sincer acum, intre noi fie vorba, de fapt vroiam geanta ca sa am alura de fashionist de calitate superioara. Din pacate, odata ajuns la mall, toate aspiratiile mele trendy-flendiste s-au dezintegrat in meandrele creaturilor blonde de mall (specie cu o rata de mortalitate egala cu zero, nici chinezilor nu le vine sa creada ca sunt intrecuti de blondele de mall) . Ceva s-a intamplat, altceva s-a dres cu oleaca de cupone, ca efectiv, dar efectiv nu mai aveam loc sa ma misc : peste tot numai turme de 3. Turme de 3 blonde in diferite nuante, de la platinat, spalacit, decolorat la blonduit. De forme nu comentez ca nu era decat una singura, aia batz, sau size O de la americani. Ma risc, incep sa gandesc, desi stiu foarte bine ca printre astfel de creaturi mallvestre, ganditul este o manifestatie de neuroni interzisa. Ce naiba ! Poate nu se prind. Gandesc doamnele mele, gandesc ! Degeaba !!! Turmele de 3 ma tot inghesuie in magazinele de pantofi, in alea de haine, pe scarile rulante. God damn it, nu mai ies viu de aici : peste tot numai turme de 3 blonde in cautare de reduceri. Nemairezistand, intreb politicos, asa cat sa nu-mi deteriorez de tot karma: « Sa va ajut cumva ? V-ati ratacit ? Va ajut sa va cautati ciobanul ? » Dar Blondy x 3 se bosumfla, tuguiaza buzele si zice afectat : « Ma, da tu nu stii ca noi nu avem cioban ! Se cheama sponsor si e la bancomat, face cash monei.» Eu : « Deci sa nu-l chem ? Sigur va descurcati ? » Blondy x 3 : « Da tu, hai plimba ursoaica, mai. Mutati viintage-ul de aici ! » Nu am de ales si fug, nu se poate discuta cu turma, e brain damaging si brain smothering. Fug, fug si iar fug. Unde ? La Carturesti, am auzit ca blondele se tem de carti, le sparie, deci nu intra acolo, I’m in a safe place. Problem : acum trebuie sa astept ora de inchidere a mall-ului ca sa ma pot duce acasa. Je suis desolé, si mai presus de orice, MI-E FOAME si nu am geanta extra large.

Is America right for Obama?

America is over saturated with television and radio talk shows dealing with the sensational and the indecent: here, the most questionable prejudices are treated as fundamental truths, the subjects of incest, sexual harassment, or UFOs are preferred to those of political debate. What is more breathtaking than seeing on TV ‘The Jerry Springer Show’, where dysfunctional families come to discuss their problems in front of an audience, and end up finding a solution in staging a bloodbath? Foul language, fistfights and chair-throwing are the best ingredients for relaxing after a hard day’s work, isn’t it? Therefore one cannot help but asking: where does Barack Obama fit into this picture? Between the neurotic housewife and the dumb-looking transvestite? Who listens to him? The 50% of the Americans who voted for him on November 2nd? That is rather doubtful. Even those pro-Obama Americans get tired of political decisions, laws and federal government, and they go back to Jerry Springer and Oprah Winfrey, whose entertainment recipe has never failed them. Yes, it is true that Americans want change, they need change, but they do not know how change smells like, what it looks, or tastes like, in other words, what change is; so they change the channel, surely there must be something better on FOX, than on CBS. Americans are easily bored, impulsive and distracted (probably because of their attention deficit disorder or ADD) ; they do not have the time to listen or inquire thoroughly, that is way they choose to wait for the Hollywood producers to make a film on Obama’s life, preferably a box-office hit, accessible and light as a coke. Definitely, their lives would be so much easier.
Americans have been racists for some time now, but eventually they realized that the African-American heritage isn’t that bad. Just ask The Real Slim Shady. The baggy clothes, the sparkling bling, the ‘yo-man’ expressions, the impossible to understand or translate slang have all appealed to the average Americans. As a consequence, Americans love Obama (just as they love P.Diddy and Jay-Z), this ‘larger than life’, Harvard graduate hip-hoper. In fact, Obama is the perfect combination of one hint of ‘white’, three hints of ‘black’, add a little ‘hate for W. Bush’ and you got yourself a new American President. What is more, one must not forget that ‘politically correctness’ has become a sort of American creed, and let’s face it; it was Obama’s turn to be president. He is almost black, isn’t he?
Americans love superheroes, they adore seeing their favorite comic book characters in action: Superman against the corporatist Lex Luthor, Batman against a ‘devilish’ Dr.Freeze played by a much younger and fit Arnie Schwarzenegger and so on. The image of the prevailing of good over evil is for the Americans, as sacred as the ‘Last Supper’ painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. With Obama’s entering the race for presidency, the Americans realized that they needed another hero in their ‘Justice League’: Green-Lantern Obama (the only Afro-American comic book superhero). In an almost schizophrenic approach, the Americans regarded Obama as their personal savior, endowed with the power of shielding things with his green powered beam. Now, as the U.S. president, Obama will have to defend them against Osama and his little terrorist-orcs: the future of America is in superhero hands.
All in all, America is not yet ready for Barack Obama. The Americans behave like psychotic, semi-schizophrenic, paranoid children who lack discipline. Americans undergo too much therapy hours. Until they release their selves from the zombie-like state induced by television, they are as hopeless as the Muppets. Obama is change, I do not know whether it is good or bad, but still, it is change; and Americans need the opportunity to change. Unfortunately, they are not as ready as they should be: there are too many opportunities to choose from, and not all of them include change.